Computer Jokes

Subject: Computer Jokes 2008-10-26, 15:59

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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A mechanical, electrical and computer engineer were riding together to an engineering seminar when the car suddenly began jerking and shuttering.
The mechanical engineer, said, "I think the car has a faulty carburetor."
The electrical engineer said, "No, I think the problem lies with the alternator."
The computer engineer brightened up and said, "I know, let`s stop the car, all get out of the car and get back in again!"

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Hard Disk Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
Windows Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
Screensaver Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
Internet Girls:
Difficult to access.
Server Girls:
Always busy when you need her.
Multimedia Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.
Email Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
Virus Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

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The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and, in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the 'other man.'
The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90s and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be a sophisticated and business-like manner. He sent the following e-mail to his wife's lover:
Sir,
It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday next.
The 'other man' was highly amused by the husband's formal manner and sent the following reply:
Dear Sir,
I have received a copy of the your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the scheduled conference in your office's auditorium.
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The world`s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.
The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a computer voice intoned.
"Welcome to the debut of the world`s first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."
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HEIGHT OF REPETITION: Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you by someone in the receiving chain.
HEIGHT OF ISOLATION: Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE: Two persons fighting through emails.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS: Receiving no emails for a week.
HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION: The email server being down.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS: Writing an intimate email and doing a 'Reply All.'
HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT: A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending email to himself

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